Ask A Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, October 4, 2007

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'She won't go down on me. She won't say why not; just doesn't do it.'

She won't go down on me. I can write you a whole story about how much I love her and how we both work too hard and how it's been almost two years (not once!!) and how I have asked and she's promised and I moved to be near her and we have communication issues but I have conquered my own shit about going downtown and she won't say why not; just doesn't do it and how our relationship is on the brink of failure and I'm doing all the work and how the idea of losing her is heartbreaking. But none of that changes the fundamental elemental rudimentary truth: she won't go down on me!

Head Crazy

Oh, dear Head Crazy,

Poor inner thigh. Poor belly. Poor hips, poor sweet labia and/or shaft and tenderonis, poor clit or tip, poor, poor missing orgasms and intimacy and hair-grabbing back-arching kisses! The recent poet/philosopher Keyshia Cole has been heard to say, "if he aint gonna love u/the way he should/then let it go."

I think you feel me, at least in some part of your body. If you have communicated clearly that you must have some focused, loving, generous oral sex in your life and she's not responding, let it go. This isn't shallow; it sounds like an indication of many unanswered needs in the relationship. But fewer red flags are as clear an indication of irreparable imbalance as two years of unrequited head.

Good luck!

SG

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Do you have a question? Email SG at SexAndRelationships@WireTapMag.org.

Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

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