Ask a Sex Goddess

By Sex Goddess, January 26, 2008

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A metrosexual, very together man struggles with his hippie girlfriend's hygiene.

I am truly a metrosexual male, very together. My girlfriend is more of a of hippy-type, she's been a bit stinky the whole time, but she's fine and I like her. So i was folding my girlfriend's laundry, and a couple of her panties were stained, like poo stains. What the hell? Is there anything you can think of that will conquer the thoughts goin' through my head about how many times my face was near her booty, or she was walkin' around sloppy ... please, please? 

Devastated Brown-noser

Dear Brown-noser, 

My my. Um.
Maybe they were period stains?
Loosen up, she certainly did!
Uh ... at least her shit don't stink!
No, really. I am a fan of talking about everything. Most stuff is only gross, 'cause it's taboo. I've heard of poo stains that are a bit of a calling card or bragging right after anal sex with a partner who can boast true girth. However, you don't seem confident that you laid the pipeline to these tattletale skidmarks. In fact, you seem very uncomfortable, but she must feel very comfortable with you, as I find it highly unlikely that she didn't notice that there are poo stains on panty-drawers she let her lover touch. Maybe she did one of those cleanses, or is on that oily diet supplement behind your back.
I would say, "I was folding your laundry, I saw some stains, is something up?"
The answer will show you the next step.

Good luck, with a wince,
SG

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Rules:

1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
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Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to ... do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

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